Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
