My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
