3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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