rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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