Tell her she can't have a vagina
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
