i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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