we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just found a bag of teeth...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
