I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
