don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
