I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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