She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm passing your future prison.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
