It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
