Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
