when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
