I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
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You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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