my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
