i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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