I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
