so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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