I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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