the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
