from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize