dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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