She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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