I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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