the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
