I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
