Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
