i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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