wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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