he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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