Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
