so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
