ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
