i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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