she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
