Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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