He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
