he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Come see our sink grown plant.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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