so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I look better un-naked...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
