you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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