Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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