You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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