Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
