walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He better not be in your backpack
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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