Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You made out with two different species that night
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
