3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
