Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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