Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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