I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
