I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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