to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
