i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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