I didn't shave. On purpose
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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