So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
