I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
