i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
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Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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