You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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