How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
