Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
wow bdsm is so cute
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