and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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