Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
